BMW, I’m so breaking apart with you

I need to be clear from the outset. I’ve by no means been a automobile fanatic. My driving historical past features a hand-me-down Volvo with a gap within the floorboards and a collection of aggressively sensible autos, together with a VW Golf and a Mazda SUV by which I hauled my household round for 12 years. Then I leased a BMW i4 electrical automobile.

What drew me to the i4? Not like different electrical autos, BMWs don’t appear like one thing out of the Jetsons; I like that they’re understated automobiles that occur to be electrical. I appreciated that they’re far much less frequent than different EVs in Northern California. Plus, the i4 is available in one thing like a dozen colours, together with “Brooklyn Grey,” which – I do know I sound ridiculous – delighted me in ways in which Tesla’s handful of choices by no means may. I’d learn on-line that early adopters have been having software program points, however with visions of my glossy new BMW dancing in my head, I conveniently filed that data away. These first few drives felt exhilarating, too. The automobile was stunning, the journey was easy, and I felt like we have been going locations.

Practically two years later, I’m doing one thing I by no means thought I’d do: eagerly awaiting the tip of a lease on a luxurious automobile as a result of its software program is such a catastrophe that it makes my rusted-out Volvo appear like a paragon of reliability.

A love story gone awry

Let me rely the methods this relationship has gone flawed, beginning with essentially the most fundamental operate: stepping into my very own automobile. On a number of events, I’ve stood in parking heaps, unable to unlock its doorways with my telephone regardless of the BMW Digital Key being particularly designed for this function. This sounds trivial till you’re juggling melting groceries whereas wanting such as you’re attempting to steal your individual automobile.

Digital key points have turn out to be so widespread that BMW house owners have at occasions shared elaborate multi-step workarounds that learn like directions for disarming a bomb: “1. Open the BMW app in your telephone and use it to unlock the door. 2. Check in together with your BMW ID in iDrive. 3. Place your iPhone within the automobile’s charging tray. 4. Await the digital key to reappear within the Pockets app. 5. Double-click the facet button, authenticate with Face ID, and—lastly—begin the automobile.”

The person profile system is one other train in futility. I’ve been unable to create visitor profiles with out being demoted to the underside of the person hierarchy. What this implies in apply is that if anybody else drives my automobile – even as soon as – the automobile will seize their telephone and playlist the second they’re inside Bluetooth vary. BMW has over-engineered their profile system to the purpose the place it requires express linking steps that ought to actually occur routinely.

The automobile’s CarPlay integration ranges from poor to actively harmful. Software program updates routinely break CarPlay performance, requiring full reboots of its iDrive infotainment system. The reverse digital camera difficulty is especially maddening; put the automobile in reverse whereas utilizing CarPlay navigation, and whenever you shift again to drive, you’re dumped onto the house display screen as a substitute of returning to your instructions. 

The backup digital camera itself is virtually ineffective in low mild situations, and the display screen incessantly turns into scorching scorching to the contact.

Then there’s the lights difficulty. Until I bear in mind to manually lock the automobile after strolling away from it, I’ll sometimes discover later that the outside lights are nonetheless ablaze in my driveway. I believed it is perhaps human error the primary time it occurred. By the third time, I noticed that it’s a “characteristic” the place the i4 enters a “pseudo-sleep mode” that retains lights and different methods working indefinitely. A number of house owners report the identical difficulty: park the automobile, stroll away, return later to search out their automobile lit up like a beacon and draining the battery. 

Past the sensation on a near-daily foundation that the automobile has amnesia, there are professional security considerations. The 2022 i4 was topic to 6 recollects in its first yr, together with one so severe that BMW informed house owners their automobiles have been fireplace dangers when parked and suggested them to “cease driving this automobile instantly.” Since then, different recollects have included battery management models that may trigger a sudden lack of energy.

BMW releases software program updates for the i4 roughly each few months, however the course of is fraught with points. Updates routinely break related providers, inflicting house owners to lose entry to visitors data, climate information, distant parking features, and even the MyBMW app connectivity. 

The over-the-air replace system itself is unreliable, with house owners reporting updates that get caught at varied percentages for days, forcing journeys to sellers for guide set up. 

What’s particularly galling is that BMW positions these autos as premium merchandise. If you happen to’re shopping for slightly than leasing, the i4 begins at over $50,000, with well-equipped fashions pushing $70,000 or extra. In the meantime, house owners of inexpensive autos, together with Hyundais and Lexus fashions, report bulletproof connectivity and seamless person experiences. 

I’m not saying the corporate rushed these automobiles to market with out adequately testing their digital ecosystem, then determined to deal with their clients as beta testers with out taking their well-being into consideration, however I’m additionally not not saying that.

I genuinely wished this relationship to work. The i4 is beautiful, drives superbly, and represents all the pieces I believed I wished in an electrical automobile. However I can’t proceed a relationship the place essentially the most fundamental features – unlocking doorways, connecting my telephone, getting instructions – require the endurance of a saint. (I shouldn’t have the endurance of a saint.)

Even my tech-savvy husband, who’s normally the primary to recommend person error, just lately emerged from the automobile after a very irritating software program meltdown and introduced that he would “have to meditate for a bit.”

Automobile possession shouldn’t be a continuing supply of aggravation. I shouldn’t have to take care of a psychological database of workarounds for options that ought to simply work. I shouldn’t dread software program updates as a result of they may break one thing that was (principally) useful.

So BMW, I’ve had it. You made a stunning automobile, then sabotaged it with software program so crummy that it’s nearly comical. I believed we’d drive into the sundown collectively. As an alternative, I’m driving my i4 again to the dealership as my lease is over. I’m shocked to say I can’t wait.